Category Archives: restaurants

#012 The Cheesecake Factory



This week on Highbrow Reviews we take a field trip (more like a grass trip or a bud trip, anyway, you get it) to Cheesecake Factory. This place is famous for its gaudy decor, big portions, endless menu, and what else? I can’t think of single other thing it could possibly be known for. Like, maybe a dish of some sort? Ah, oh well. We go there to test out the restaurant’s food and amenities to see if it really is a high dream come true.

But first, how about we force you into listening, and indulge ourselves in playing, a pretty long game of “P-weed Password?” That’s right, we’re bringing this game back and with each round, we are either wicked quick or painfully slow. Listen in and judge us heavily. But hey, although the game is long, we unpack history, the rules of hopscotch and man, if Chris can’t get his mind off Snoop Dogg!
We arrived at The Factory and put our names on the list. As high people do, we huddled in the smallest corner of the foyer to keep ourselves from getting into an accidental conversation with strangers. Chris was very concerned we wouldn’t hear our name called but Claire reassured him that her ears were sharp. It seemed as though hours had passed, so the three of us wandered over to the cake display just to tantalize our taste buds. Immediately Chris, who was a Factory virgin, turned and said, “Looking at these cakes in a deli case, I could be convinced that I’m just at a Ralph’s.” Hm, that’s not great for a restaurant known for… actually I can’t think of what they’re known for.
Finally, we’re seated and the table is blessed immediately with steaming logs of bread. Max and Claire know exactly what they want but Chris deliberates for a while between two, essentially identical, items on the menu. Eventually, we do order and then our minds are free to wander. So we take in the scenery: the historically accurate faces etched into stone pillars, the historically accurate wall of tvs and the historically accurate dated pop music.
Just before the food comes, our waitress throws us a curveball by announcing her departure for the day and introducing her replacement. His name is something like Kevin. But, as Kevin brings us our food and asks us how we’re enjoying the meal, we keep spotting our original waitress around the restaurant. Naturally, we jump to the conclusion that there’s some kind of operation underway, that we’ve been bugged and are under investigation. We still decide to stick around and share a slice of original cheesecake. You can’t leave before you’ve had cheesecake! Because that’s what they’re known for! Pushing and pushing you to order dessert.
Back in the studio, we’re sated and cozy and we tell you *spoiler* just how perfect The Cheesecake Factory is if you’re high. Also, Claire forgot her boxed leftovers at the restaurant and she’s still thinking about it.